Κι εμείς χωρίζουμε..

Έτσι κι αλλιώς.. οι δρόμοι μας χωρίζουν. Ο καθένας παίρνει το δρόμο του σιγά σιγά.. Αποφάσεις, επιλογές, πράξεις. Αυτά μας καθορίζουν, αυτά μας διαμορφώνουν, αυτά δείχνουν ποιοι είμαστε, ποιοι θέλουμε να γίνουμε, ποιοι θα καταλήξουμε.

Κι έτσι οι δρόμοι χωρίζουν, φιλίες χάνονται, ξεχνιούνται, προδίνονται.. Κι εμείς χωρίζουμε. Από χρόνο, από επιλογή, από υποχρεώσεις. Αλλάζουμε. Μεγαλώνουμε. Ξεχνάμε. Αυτά που υποσχεθήκαμε, αυτά που κάποτε κρατήσαμε ιερά σε ένα μικρό δωματιάκι δίπλα απ' την καρδιά μας.. Απλά τα αφήνουμε, σα να μην υπήρξαν ποτέ σημαντικά για μας, σα να μη γελούσαμε με την καρδιά μας με αυτά. Κι εμείς χωρίζουμε. Έτσι κι αλλιώς, η στιγμή θα ερχόταν. Και τα εγκαταλείπουμε..

Είναι στιγμές που τα ασήμαντα μοιάζουν σημαντικά και τα σημαντικά φαίνονται μακρινά, εκτός πραγματικοτητας. Κι εμείς, όμως, χωρίζουμε. Επειδή έρχεται από εκεί που δεν το περιμένεις, από εκεί που ξεχνάς, από εκεί που σταματάς να εκτιμάς. Και το θυμάσαι όταν πλέον ο χάρος θα χτυπήσει την πόρτα. Και θυμάσαι. Ότι άργησες, ότι παραμέλησες, ότι ο χρόνος ήταν αρκετός αλλα δεν τον εκμεταλλεύτηκες. Έτσι κι αλλιώς, πάντα το έπαιρνες ως δεδομένο. Αυτός, όμως, φεύγει..

Κι αυτός ο φτερωτός άγγελος που ρίχνει τα βέλη εδώ κι εκεί χωρίς εμάς να μας ρωτήσει. Πάντα αυτός πρέπει να φταίει. Κι εμείς χωρίζουμε. Επειδή δεν παλέψαμε αρκετά, επειδή δείλιασες, επειδή αργήσαμε. Έτσι κι αλλιώς, παίξαμε και χάσαμε. Και ξεχνάμε να ρισκάρουμε, ξεχνάμε να ζήσουμε. Φοβόμαστε. Να ερωτευθούμε. Να αγαπήσουμε. Να χαθούμε στη στιγμή. Και συμβιβαζόμαστε, με το εύκολο, το σωστό, το ανώδυνο. Και παραλογιζόμαστε. Για τις ευκαιρίες που χάσαμε, για τις σωστές αποφάσεις τη λάθος στιγμή, για τα "θέλω" που έμειναν θαμμένα λόγω των "πρέπει". Κι εμείς χωρίζουμε. Επειδή οι νέες αποφάσεις μας καταθέτουν τα όπλα και στοχεύουν αλλού. Έτσι κι αλλιώς, a moment of perfection is all you can get.

'Ομως.. θα 'θελα να χωρίσουμε μαζί. Γιατί οι στιγμές μαζί σας are those that keep me going. The ones I cherish, the ones I have locked deep down my heart and soul. Because I am not willing to let go. Θα 'θελα να χωρίσουμε μαζί. Γιατί είστε το πιο σημαντικό κομμάτι της ζωής μου, γιατί χωρίς εσάς δε θα ήταν ζωή. Γιατί δε θέλω να ξεχάσω. Κάθε στιγμή ήταν μοναδική. Κι ακόμα κι αν όλοι κάνουμε τις επιλογές μας και παίρνουμε το δικό μας δρόμο, κάποια στιγμή οι δρόμοι μας διασταυρώθηκαν and for that I am grateful. Γιατί χωρίς εσάς δε θα ήμουν αυτό που είμαι, αυτό που θέλω να είμαι. Θα 'θελα να χωρίσουμε μαζί, γιατί μαζί μεγαλώσαμε, μαζί γελάσαμε, μαζί αγαπήσαμε, μαζί κλάψαμε. Μαζί πέσαμε, μαζί σηκωθήκαμε. Μαζί αποφασίσαμε, μαζί δειλιάσαμε, μαζί τελικά ξεχάσαμε..
Έτσι θα 'θελα να χωρίσουμε μαζί.
Όχι χώρια.

Failure

We are never free. 

What we have become, is contrary to what we have planned. What we are, is not what we wanted to be. Our freedom is continuously consumed. Not only by the "great powers" of the world, the governments, the people who hold the ropes. But by an even  greater menace.

Our own selves.

We have dreams. We have hopes. We have expectations.

Yet, we end up burying them deep down. We become slaves of our brain. What we need, is never what we get. And this is entirely our fault. 

Because when the heart screams "YES", we close our ears. When the mind realizes what is wrong, we close our eyes. We end up doing what is easier. What is right for others, but not for us. We let go of the chances we have, because we messed up once. And then this means messing up twice. And we go on, building one mistake upon the other, burying what we want deeper and deeper in a dark pit, locking our freedom away from reach. Cause we are human and we are stupid.

We never take control. We just let things... be. Happen. We let them happen instead of making them happen. So we mess up. Messed up situations, messed up feelings, messed up people. Messed up world.

One we created by our cowardliness. 

And we are afraid. We are afraid to live, to love. We are afraid to let go of our chains, to lose ourselves in what makes us happy. And we obey. We obey other's wills, we give up, we give in.

The life we lead is no longer our own. If it were, things would have been easier, better. We lead a life someone else is expecting us to live. We choose, and yet the choice in not ours anymore. Not because we don't want it. Because they won't let us. Because people interfere, no matter how hard you toss and turn, you kick and fight. And our brain forgets. The strings pulling us, become our own. And then we cease being us. We become the "convenient" way.

 We are not us.

We have failed.

"Αυτό είναι σχέση, φίλε"

" [...] Η εμπιστοσύνη, η φροντίδα, η στοργή, το πάθος, η τρέλα, η ζήλια, οι βόλτες, τα ξενύχτια, τα μεθύσια, τα ταξίδια, τα ατελείωτα γαμήσια, τα κρυφά ραντεβού, οι περίεργες συζητήσεις, τα μυστικά τηλεφωνήματα στις 3 το χάραμα, τα "σ΄αγαπώ" στη θάλασσα, τα "σε μισώ" στα πάρτυ, τα "σε θέλω" στα μαγαζιά, οι αμοιβαίες υποχωρήσεις, τα ναι και τα όχι, οι προσπάθειες, τα πρέπει και τα μη, τα λάθη, τα ηλιοβασιλέματα, τα γέλια και τα κλάματα, η συγνώμη.. Αυτό είναι σχέση, φίλε."

Consumed

Our lips crush violently. I can feel the heat of his lips burning mine as they move together. His sweet scent, which doesn't resemble any man-made perfume, fills every corner of my lungs. His arms keep me locked in an embrace which I couldn't escape, even if I wanted to. My hands search for his hair and are automatically clenched around them. Our breathing speeds up and comes out in gasps. The heat exerting his body is absorbed willingly by every cell of my body, burning me on the inside.

He pushes me back against the wall and I curl my legs around his waist. My fingers trace the back of his neck, his broad shoulders, and then find their way back to his hair again. He keeps kissing me, every inch of me, my lips, my hair, my neck, my chest. His soft lips leave little fires on my skin everywhere they touch. I feel like there is no way in the world I can satisfy the hunger I feel for more. Not even every possible way of being linked together will ever consume what we feel. He gives me a long, last kiss. When his lips leave mine, I want them back. I bury my face in his chest not willing to let go, inhaling as much of his scent as I can. He never pushes me away from him. He just strokes my hair, lips on my forehead, hands resting on the small of my back. These would be our last minutes together.

“I have to go”, he whispers softly in my ear.

“I know”, I say quietly, trying to fight back the tears trying to make their way to the surface.

He holds me tighter, then leans down for a deep, last kiss. I cup his face in my hands, trying to prolong the kiss, but time is running out. We have to part ways. He pulls me back softly, as if not to hurt my feelings, stares deep in my eyes for a moment to absorb my image, and then he just leaves, the door closing noisily behind him.

It’s like the room’s temperature has dropped five degrees. Like the colours on the walls have become dull in an instant. The smell of breakfast coming from the kitchen is no longer appealing. His absence leaves a hole in my heart, only to be mended when we meet again. Which we will. Destiny has crossed our paths in a strange way and it surely has a common a path for us. Because we don’t want each other. We need each other.

  

“Never say last”

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Memories are who we are. Whether they are good or bad, happy or painful. Without them, we are nothing. We lose ourselves.
Don't give them up. They are all that you have. They are all that's real. Everything you felt. Love, hope, pain. Cause it's easy to forget, to let yourself go of past. But hold on to it. It's who you are, it's what people made you feel, it's what you've been through. Hold on to them. Keep them safe. Cherish them.

“Some things are more precious because they don't last long.”

“Always! That is a dreadful word. It makes me shudder when I hear it. Women are so fond of using it. They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever. It is a meaningless word, too. The only difference between a caprice and a life-long passion is that the caprice lasts a little longer.” 

-The Picture of Dorian Gray

Breaking the habit

Yeap. It is time. It is finally the time I really make a decision and stick to it. No more straying, no more delusions, no more yielding to emotions.
“I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them." -The picture of Dorian Gray
Cause after some time, you can't expect to be able to open someone's eyes. At some point, they have to open them alone.
Cause patience has also it's limits. And you can't expect someone to wait for you forever till you make up your mind.
Cause lies, betrayal, ingratitude, at some point can't be ignored.
Cause when they take you for granted, you should show them you are not a game they can play.
Cause, after all, magic comes with a price.

So, yeah. I'm finally breaking the habit. For real. Goodbye dreams. Goodbye hopes. "Goodbye my lover,goodbye my friend".

I hope you decide and find what you are looking for.

I don't want to be the one the battles always choose. Cause inside I realise that I'm the one confused. I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream. I don't know why I instigate or say what I don't mean. I don't know how I've come this way, I know it's not alright. So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit tonight.