It's funny how the person who can fix you can also rip you apart.

Wreckages

We are wreckages. We live this disappointing life together, looking for our true selves, trying to figure out what we really want. We help each other mend the broken pieces, fix what was once shattered and guide one another through the pits of darkness. But we sometimes stray from the path, lose one another in the dark, yield to temptations. And then some valuable parts of us get detached from our bodies and souls, sacrificed for the sake of the forbidden. And we are left with less than what we started with, only to try again to stick together some of the broken pieces, but losing others, time and time again. And we end up the same wreckages, gluing parts of each other, only to lose ourselves in the dark again.

Star-crossed.

"From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life"
Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet

We were derived from our right to love each other. We were cursed to endure this forbidden love. We are doomed to stay apart forever, love undercover, and hide the desire behind eyes full of thirst. For the unfulfilled, is all we can have. And the risks we have taken and still take, the pain we have felt and still feel, are all worth to keep this love, though tainted, alive. Cause once you find the person who can mend you heart, once you find the one who completes you, the one who accepts you, you've found the one you love. And though the stars keep us apart, we will still fight for us.

If you Believe, say "I do".

I will find you. Someday I will. I know that I can't find you now because I still have so much to learn. About love, about trust, about friendship. I haven't found you yet, because I wasn't ready. And maybe I'm still not. But I will find you. In my darkest hour. When I'm wise enough. I will find you when I will be in most need to believe again, when you will be the miracle illuminating my life. So that you will be most precious to me. So that you will remind me what love and hope are. We'll be united when the time is right. How do I know we will? It's something only believers do. And when you believe, you don't need proof.

Dear Santa,

All I want for this Christmas is to be happy.

Thank you.

Ισοπέδωση

Είμαστε η νέα γενιά της απαισιοδοξίας. Τα παιδιά που τους δόθηκε ένας διεστραμμένος κόσμος, με αποστολή να τον σώσουν. Πώς να σώσουμε έναν κατεστραμμένο κόσμο, όταν δε μπορούμε να σώσουμε τους εαυτούς μας;

Είμαστε η γενιά του "ονειρεύομαι! αλλά....". Η γενιά που μένει μόνο στα όνειρα. Η γενιά που δε ξέρει πλέον τη αναζητά. Η μάλλον που ξέρει, αλλά δε μπορεί να το ζήσει. "Ονειρεύομαι να γυρίσω τον κόσμο με ένα τζετ!" Πώς να γυρίσεις τον κόσμο, όταν ο κόσμος σε έχει πλέον σκλαβώσει στα "πρέπει"; "Ονειρεύομαι να γίνω καλλιτέχνης!" Πώς να επιβιώσεις, που πλέον τα μόνα επαγγέλματα που θεωρούνται "χρήσιμα" είναι αυτά που εξασφαλίζουν το μεγαλύτερο κέρδος; "Ονειρεύομαι να κάθομαι ήσυχα σε μια καφετέρια, παρέα με το βιβλίο μου και μια ζεστή σοκολάτα..." Κάτι τόσο απλό, τόσο καθημερινό, που όμως έχει γίνει κάτι άπιαστο. Πώς να ησυχάσεις σε μια ζωή που οι ρυθμοί της δε σε αφήνουν ούτε να αναπνεύσεις;

Είμαστε η γενιά της αποχαύνωσης, της παραίτησης, του συμβιβασμού, της εκφυγής σε άλλων λύσεων. Η γενιά της μέθης, του εύκολου και φτηνού σεξ, του "δεν μπορώ να διασκεδάσω χωρίς ουσίες". Η γενιά του ξεπεσμού, της κατακρεούργησης των ηθικών αξιών, της ισοπέδωσης των ονείρων, της λησμονιάς του έρωτα, της αγάπης, της ελπίδας. Είμαστε τα παιδιά με τα ανεκπλήρωτα όνειρα, τους κρυφούς πόθους, τις μισοσβησμένες φλόγες.

Ναι, είμαστε η νέα γενιά της παραίτησης. Φταίμε όμως εμείς γι αυτό; Φταίμε που μας δόθηκε ένας δόλιος κόσμος με την διαταγή "φτιάξτε τον"; Φταίμε που μας δίνεται μια ελευθερία την οποία δεν μπορούμε να ασκήσουμε; Φταίμε που τα "θέλω" ισοπεδώνονται από τα "πρέπει" μιας συντηρητικής κοινωνίας; Φταίμε που οι ορισμοί της ισότητας και της καινοτομίας είναι απλά ένα παραμύθι; Ή μήπως φταίμε που δε μπορούμε πλέον να ζήσουμε το όνειρο άφοβα; Φταίμε εμείς που ξέχασαν να μας μάθουν να αγαπάμε;

Φταίμε που δεν το διεκδικήσαμε και ακόμη σωπαίνουμε.

State of peace

All I need, is find my inner peace. Is this THAT hard? I just want to feel free. At peace with myself. Happy with the world around me. But no. It's like nothing can ever satisfy this. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I want. I don't know who I wanna be. I just wanna be.. me. Whatever that is. Whether this is what I am know, what I was before or what I am not yet. I just want peace..

This is never enough. This life.. is not enough. And yet maybe "It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything." It's not that I dont try. In this bullshit life, i really try and do things I enjoy. I go to new places, I practice archery, I make new friends. I live new experiences everyday. And yet this is never enough. Because of the world around, slowly rotting. Whatever relationship once seemed to be solid, is now melting down. And I don't know what is real and what is not, what is worth the effort and what is not. And I don't know... Some people deserve the best. And yet I may not be able to offer this because of all this disappointment and bullshit."If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't." Life is tragic. Everything is tragic.

No matter what you do to make you feel complete, something will be missing. All these things that I once felt happy with, now leave me empty. Because the people I share them with are no longer true. True to themselves, true in general. They are changed. I myself am changed. And "the things you used to own now they own you"..

Escaping this loop seems impossible. The emptiness is always there. I need something true. Something to believe in. I stopped believing in everything I once valued. Love, trust. Sometimes friendship. And why should I go on believing in them when everything shows the opposite. I am almost 19 years old and I can find all the crap of society possible. And this is disappointing.

Cheers to the sitty world we created. Cheers to the values that were once real. Cheers to the love that was once true.