The cherry at the top of the cake

Here I am again,after all these days. Things still a little bit tangled inside my head.
Oh well.
Wrong and Right spinning in my mind once more.

Hmm...

Anyone heard of "Moving on by going back"? I guess this is my invention.
Good or Bad?
Only time will tell. However,not very positive results so far.

Let's see how this one goes. The cherry at the top of the cake.


"Stop and stare, I think I'm moving,but I go nowhere.." -OneRepublic

Nothingness

I want to write something,but I won't,cause no words can express it and I know no one will ever understand -maybe not even you,if i could talk to you and say the things i want to.
this sucks.




I miss you.

If no one will listen..

This is a great song by Kelly Clarkson I dedicate to friendship. I hope you know I'm here to support you.

Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tears
And so you fight to keep from pouring out
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul
Do you think that there's enough that you would drown?

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still

No one can tell you where you alone must go
There's no telling what you will find there
And, God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones
Screaming every step, "Just stay here"

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still

If you find your fists are raw and red from beating yourself down
If your legs have given out under the weight
If you find you've been settling for a world of gray
So you wouldn't have to face down your own hate

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still

I will be here still

Who to look up to?!

It looks like no matter how much faith you have in some people, how much you trust them and look up to them, one day they will just..disappoint you. One person after another, I just not know who I should look up to anymore. Nothing really is what it seems. Sometimes masks come up and when they finally drop..you just wish you could go back to not knowing nothing at all.

Maybe it's just me.. Maybe I expect too much from people. Maybe I really want to see that perfect picture of someone, and when I fail, I just can't take it. That moment the truth strikes me, I just wish I could go back. My whole theory for the world crushes down. The image of that person fades away. Becomes one with the other endless shadows in my mind.

I don't argue that under some circumstances, humans can not control their minds anymore. They become one with their wild nature, like animals. They embrace their true identity. Maybe there are some human instincts that you can not surpass or discard at some points in your life. Maybe you are not in control of them.

I wish I knew under different circumstances. Maybe this way I'd feel more..trustworthy? Maybe I'd be less surprised. Or it could be more. Or maybe my reaction would hurt that person even more. I think you believe I will not trust you after that. But I can assure you I will. Maybe you think that I'll conclude that you are not good enough. That what I've been building about you inside my mind for all this time, will just collapse. Maybe you weren't that far from truth. It really wasn's something I expected. But I know, it was a moment of weakness.

I know there's only 10% chance you'll read this. But if you do, please, talk to me.

I just wish..you trusted me enough to tell me. You know I'll always be there for you. I won't judge you. I'll try not to. I'll clean after your mess. I'll take your hand and lead you again, as I promised.

Only if you trusted me..

Behind the Great Wall of Feelings.

There comes a time in your life that you go through unbearable pain. It's not a rule, but it's a common observation. When this time comes, your whole world spins around and twirls, you go through many phases of sadness and pain, you sometimes cry yourself to sleep..

But, finally, you wake up one day to realise that this whole suffering is just another moment in your past, a devilish nightmare, born only to make you feel stronger. From this day on, a brand new YOU is born. A tougher one, maybe less naive, more cagey.. During the next chapter of your life, mistakes of your past come into your attension. Brick by boring brick, you start to build a wall around you, keeping your heart out of the reach of people. You lock yourself behind this wall, controlling your feelings in a way no one can hurt them. You refuse to let the world sink into your soul, afraid that you might get hurt again. You just observe the world around you, sometimes disappointed by the hypocrisy of humans, not cabable of really caring about others.Burried behind your own fear, you refuse to let your feeling dance inside your heart.

I'm afraid to fall in love again.

..and you said don't!

"Though last,not least in love"

I couldn't think of anything else, but him. His image was filling every corner of my mind. His eyes, dark light midnight, staring intensively at my face. Communicating with me, without actually talking. There was something strange about his eyes. It was like they were deep, like the way the ocean seems dark and deep at night. Calm and peaceful, but yet intense and stormy.

His stare was like he could actually see right through me. He could see past the doors of my soul, right to the core of my heart, able to discover all my feelings. He knew me so well, he could just read my thoughts. 

Then, there was his smile, unlike any other I have ever seen. Honest and brilliant, filled with warmth, always touching the corners of his eyes. 

His hair, a deeper tone of copper, always shiny, like he had just got out of the bathroom. Still, he didn’t even try to make them look that splendid.

His whole existence made him special. The way he moved was so graceful, like he wanted to interact with others, but still remain behind his own personal wall he had built around him. I was lucky to get some glimpses behind that wall when he rarely opened his heart to me. His touch, always made me shiver and feel like I just can’t get enough.

But here I was, still waiting.

*this post was written months ago but was never published. 

** I know, the post has nothing to do with the title. It was just what came to my mind first. Cheers mates

Criticism

It’s been some months know that I found out about a make-up artist, Kandee Johnson. She has become famous and her videos are all over the youtube. She seems to be a nice person, always so positive and happy and loving. Being a single mother with 4 kids, she manages to get by. However, I have heard some terrible things about her, and this has become the reason for writing this post, not just about her case, but generally.

The world would be a much better place, if everyone minded their own busyness and didn't try to destroy some of the few hints of LIGHT, that show us how wonderful life can be, in this world of DARKNESS and SELFISHNESS and ENVY.
why do they have to delete the HOPE and LOVE which some people have to offer, by accusing and making up stories for them?

Nowadays, we can rarely read about a famous person who has no haters. Seriously guys! These people, no matter how famous, they are HUMAN, they make mistakes. That’s what defines humanity. We all make mistakes and will continue to do so.  However, that does not mean we should judge them. Nor make up stories about them to make them look like they are evil. The press knows that scandals attract people’s attention, that’s why they encourage such things.

But let’s just not think only about the case of someone famous. People around us.. are just not real! How often has someone said “HI” to you and smiled his fake smile? Or said a good word about you but behind your back they criticize and say awful things about you? Maybe it’s time to wonder who of our friends are REAL and don’t go around saying bad things about you behind your back.

Now I come to talk about facebook. I won’t mention my thoughts of it controlling the whole world. (yes, I deleted my account but 8 months later created a new account but that’s a huge story). Think about how you are lured to spy on someone you like/hate/are jealous of. How you talk to your friends about them. “OMG did you see that they are in a relationship? She’s so freaking ugly!” or “did you see what he wrote?” or “what an awful picture! And she thinks she’s pretty”. I mean, come on, everyone knows these things happen. We, humans, really enjoy gossiping about others. Spy on them. Laugh at them. Bully them. This is because of the darkness inside our souls and the fact that criticizing others make us feel that we are better than them. 

We often forget what humans are supposed to do. We are supposed to be good and loving. Jesus himself had haters but he still loved everyone, sacrificing himself for us. Why can’t we see the good in people and always judge them and bully them for their features?

We should think more often of the way we can fight the darkness around us. I feel pity for these people’s shallow hearts.

“It may be easier to hate, but it is stronger to love”