Σημάδια

The secret is to not get too attached. It always fails,though.

Ήταν σα να έβλεπε την ίδια κασέτα ξανά.. Μπορούσε να αναγνωρίσει το τέλος από την εμφάνιση των σημαδιών: αργά, δειλά, με αυξανόμενη συχνότητα, ίσα ίσα ώστε να μπορέσει να τα χωνέψει και να αντιληφθεί το νόημά τους. Αδιαφορία, βαρεμάρα, δικαιολογίες.. Ναι, το είχε ξαναδεί αυτό το σενάριο. Ήξερε πού θα κατέληγε. Ίσως όχι τώρα, ίσως όχι πολύ σύντομα, όμως σίγουρα τα σημάδια δε θα παρέκκλιναν από τον τελικό τους προορισμό. Απλά.. ίσως τελικά να μην ήταν γραφτό. Μπορούσε να το νιώσει. Δεν ήταν αυτό που ονειρευόταν, το ιδανικό γι αυτήν ήταν κάτι το διαφορετικό, κάτι το παραμυθένιο που δε χρειαζόταν να ποτίζεται κάθε τόσο με δάκρυα πόνου.. Το φανταζόταν πως μεγάλωνε με κάθε βλέμμα, κάθε γέλιο, κάθε ζεστή αγκαλιά, κάθε παθιασμένο φιλί..

Μερικές φορές φάνταζε αληθινό. Τότε ένιωθε πως είχε κάνει τη σωστή επιλογή. Τελευταία, όμως, τα σημάδια την έκαναν να φοβάται, πιο πολύ από κάθε άλλη φορά. Αυτή τη φορά είχε δώσει τη ψυχή της, όλο της το είναι. Τους φόβους της, τους πόθους της, τις πιο απόκρυφες γωνιές της ύπαρξής της.. Τώρα ένιωθε την καρδιά της στα χέρια του ίδιου δολοφόνου, έτοιμη να κατακρεουργηθεί ξανά, και πάλι απ' την αρχή. Η κασέτα κόντευε πια στο τέλος της. Αργό, βασανιστικό.. Ζήλια, φθόνος, αγάπη, μίσος, καχυποψία, πόνος.

Ίσως κατάφερνε να γυρίσει την κασέτα πίσω. Αλλά αυτό θα έφερνε πάλι το ίδιο αποτέλεσμα. Ίσως πάλι να κατάφερνε να φτάσει στο τέλος και να το γράψει ξανά από την αρχή. Διαφορετικό πλέον. Χαρούμενο. Όπως αυτή θα το ήθελε. Ιδανικό, όπως επιζητούσε η καρδιά της.

Ίσως πάλι να παρέμενε στο ίδιο καταραμένο τέλος.

Can Love Worn out?

"..Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or Bends with the remover to remove.
O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken.
It is the star to every wandering bark,
whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."

- Shakespeare Sonnet 116

 

This is how you know IT'S NOT true love.

 

True Love

How can True Love exist, when people have stopped believing in its magic?

Predictions

That weird feeling was in the air; she could feel it. She knew something was off. Something wasn't right. Something bad was going to happen, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Or maybe she could, but didn't want to. It was one of those times when she felt what was going to happen, but tried to deny it. She preferred to pretend she was ignorant, because what was about to happen, was her worst nightmare. Maybe she was wrong all along; nothing would actually happen. But she had to face the truth, she was rarely wrong. She didn’t want to be pessimistic, but one way or another, no matter how distant in the future, it would eventually happen. However, she felt that the bad news were close; so close, she could reach beyond the veil of the future, and feel the monstrous reality on her fingertips.

She knew. It would happen again.

History would repeat itself. The nightmare would come to life again. She was afraid. She didn't know if she could handle it again. It was true, the last time, she managed to come out of her living hell, alive. Deeply wounded, but still alive. Those wounds were still visible. Over the time they faded, but the scars remained. Those scars would always remind her of the time she lost. The time she lost the most valuable thing she had.
The wounds would open again. She remembered the feeling of being stubbed right through the heart, the overwhelming pain of her heart being ripped open. She shuddered at the thought of how it felt to regret offering her soul to someone. She thought back at the time it took to build all these walls around her. Now the time had come again, they would be destroyed.

Yes, it was close. She wasn't ready to face it. She would never be. But when the time would come, she would stare into the horrific eyes of the Disaster and punch it right in the face. She would come out again alive, stronger.

She would be burned, just to be reborn from the ashes.

Missing.

It's one of those times when I wonder If I am actually trying enough. I do try. Though do I do my best? I don't think so. And that just sucks. Cause it's not about me. Well,it actually is partly; though at some point you stop thinking about yourself anymore. Results? Pain. Jealousy. Why? Cause it hurts to know there are other people there who already fill up your absent place. And it sucks knowing how many wonderful moments you are missing, when in fact those others live them, with the person you love most. Those moments which are yours to live, yours to cherish. You may say, true, but you didn't grab the chance when you could. But that doesn't depend entirely on you. In fact, If I could, I definitetly would have changed the whole story.
I just hate knowing what I am missing. I also hate NOT knowing what I am missing. I guess I actually hate MISSING things. Chances. People. Moments. People. People. People..
........
She sighed under her blue umbrella and continued walking under the pouring rain, knowing she missed another chance to see him. Maybe one day,she would make up to him.

Catching up

In case anyone is wondering, no, im not dead :p I haven't been writing anything for a while cause im too busy studying and stuff. I'll be back as soon as I can ;) xoxo

Just one word: LOVE :)