Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Letting Go

All my life I’ve been trying to be strong. I’ve always been the laid back, never stressed, forgiving, seeing the silver lining kind of person. Trying not to be scared of anything, being this perfect version of myself. And I’ve been trying to understand the world, to accept the things that I didn’t like and couldn’t change. I’ve changed a lot, developed as a person, understood aspects of life. I struggled a lot to find my inner peace, but still haven’t found it. For this past year, I’ve been quite the opposite person. I’ve been afraid and stressed and worried, sometimes without realizing it, and I’ve started experiencing annoying anxiety thoughts. I know I’ll never be completely free of my fears unless I accept them. And so I try to understand them and let them go. It’s ok for accidents to happen, it’s ok for people to end up in hospitals and have surgeries. It’s ok to get sick, it’s ok to lose control, it’s ok to be afraid. It’s ok to want to curl up in a ball and cry. It happens that people get cancer, it happens that they die, it happens that some of my friends’ dads died. It’s ok to be worried for an exam, it’s ok for people not to pick up their phones for whole hours. It’s ok to get a head rush, it’s ok to faint, it’s ok to be in pain. No, nothing is going to happen to you when you live alone, no, they won’t find you dead, no, you won’t faint in a locked room or suffocate. It would be ok if you panicked, it you be ok even in an exam, it would be ok in the plane. And it’s ok to feel anxious without particular reason. It’s ok to worry that past events may happen again. It’s ok.

We are strong enough to deal with everything that we have to face. Bad things happen, yes. But good things happen as well. And I am grateful for my wonderful family and friends, the gifts I was given in life and the strength I’ve had so far. If something bad happens, I’ll have the strength to face it when the time comes. And I’m sure one day I’ll look back and realize how stronger I’ve become. This is just how life is. Ups and downs. I know that to finally find my inner peace, I need to accept these.