Monday, June 21, 2010


In how many more pieces will I be torn apart? Isn’t one billion pieces enough? How many times more will my heart be broken? How can my heart be hurt so much and still continue beating? Why do I always have to suffer for the one I love? Is there a law in life that says the happy times must equal the pain and the sadness? Why does love produce so much pain? Love is supposed to be a good feeling, to be the best feeling in the world, to win against hate and sadness and pain, right? Then WHY DOES IT HURT LIKE HELL? I want to rip my heart out my chest. “Maybe if my heart stops beating it won’t hurt this much “ says a song. Well I just wish this was true. Because how else am I going to end this pain? I have been broken over and over again; I have hurt him, too, by being hurt. Why are we doing this? We hurt each other all the time. I don’t want this to happen anymore. I got bored of all the crying till I fall asleep. Don’t do I deserve some constant happiness? Or does pain have to accompany love forever? I can’t stand it, I’ve been hurt so deeply, beyond repair. deeper each time. And the wound does not seem to heal and then another wave of pain rips it more open. I hate myself for making him suffer. How much longer can I endure this? I don’t even know myself. One day a will explode into little pieces. I will remain scattered everywhere. No one will be able to put my together again. Only him. He is the only one who can glue me together and then torn me apart again. I’m a little puppet in his fingers. But I know I can’t give up. The pain will be much more unbearable for both of us. I can’t do it. Never. In the end, love’s worth any pain. If I have to endure and suffer forever for his love, so will it be..

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I Love You.

Our lips crush violently. I can feel the heat of his lips burning mine as they move together. His sweet scent, which doesn’t resemble any man-made perfume, fills every corner of my lungs. His arms keep me locked in an embrace which I couldn’t escape, even if I wanted to. My hands search for his hair and are automatically clenched around them. Our breathing speeds up and comes out in gasps. The heat exerting his body is absorbed willingly by every cell of my body, burning me on the inside. His soft lips never leave mine, and when they do, I want them back. I bury my face in his chest not willing to let go, inhaling as much of his scent as I can. He never pushes me away from him. He just strokes my hair and whispers how much he loves me. I never want this moment to end. I don’t want to leave his side, no matter what. He belongs to me, I belong to him. We are meant to be together. Till day after forever.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Tick - Tocking

why does time never pass quickly when u want to? i mean, u have something really important to do and the time on the clock does not seem to change at all.

i wanna run, run away, i wanna make the hours pass quicker, i want the final time to come..
as the minutes go by they are torturing me, they each seem like ages to me, no, centuries. the time seems like it has stop when i need it to pass. but i know i have to relax, that is all in my imagination. there is no magical machine that can change the time so i'd better be patient. sooner or later the time will come. the time to see him again is close..

damn i cant wait any longer. i want to see him NOW. waiting is not my forte, im not patient at all, especially when i should be. my heart is pounding in excitement, knowing that in a while we will be finally together. i feel butterflies in my stomach. tick tock. tick tock. another minute has passed, another minute closer to him, closer to his arms, to his smile..

i wish a fairy would make time pass quicker. but i guess fairies exist only in fairytales and fantasies. it doesnt matter, on way or another i will see him in a while. and that gives me strength to wait, to get by some more minutes before i remember it again and gain more strength. his memory is all i have to keep me counting the minutes left.

tick tock, tick tock, tick tock..

Friday, June 4, 2010

His Absence

He’s not coming. I know he’s not. I was sure he forgot and I was right. Or maybe he didn’t even forget. He just didn’t want to come. Another no show. What is going on with him? He forgets me so easily that he doesn’t even have to try. All my hopes about seeing him vanish into thin air. How can he forget me like that? He keeps doing this on an on lately. Maybe he doesn’t care about me any more. If I live or die, if im happy or not. He seems indifferent, although he says he’s not. There are times that it feels so good that I know he’s honest and he really loves me. But sometimes he’s so cold that im wondering what is going on inside his head. I’d be really glad to know.. it would keep me from too much trouble and wondering..