Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Catching up

In case anyone is wondering, no, im not dead :p I haven't been writing anything for a while cause im too busy studying and stuff. I'll be back as soon as I can ;) xoxo

Monday, October 24, 2011

Just one word: LOVE :)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Memories revisited.

Talking about songs and an endless well of memories they bring, well, here's another one.

Why am I remembering all these stuff? Well, firstly It's been almost a year. And secondly, I think my unconscious is telling me that I terribly miss you.
Tbh,not only my onconscious screams "i miss you" ...

I sence there's something in the wind,that feels like tragedy's at hand.
And though I'd like to stand by him,can't shake this feeling that I have.
The worst is just around the bend; and does he notice my feelings for him?
And will he see how much he means to me? I think It's not to be..

What will become of my dear friend? Where will his actions lead us then?[...]
And will we ever end up together? No, I think not,It's never to become, for I am not the one..

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


Amazing how a simple song can bring back so many memories! It's kind of funny thinking about those times, a year ago. I do miss those days. Back then, everything was..complicated, yet in a strange and familiar way. Some weeks later, everything was so mysterious but wonderful :) I remember the beginning of a strong bond, I never imagined could be born.
I remember those days like no time has passed. Maybe because they are so important to me. I remember the discussions, the laughter..the drawings(haha) Ah,that laughter. Spending endless time laughing over a misunderstanding that made so much sense :) I remember words said, actions done, thoughts kept in secrecy..
*mushroom hanging out of the pocket*
Jeez, I can remember so many things!
*guy runs in a meadow wearing uniform bought with grandparent's money*

"Ma belle"

Yeah, I miss those times. And I'll always keep thinking about them with a smile on my face. Like I'm doing right now. :)
And yes, this post was written pretty-much for myself. So many memories I want to write down so that I can remember them forever..Yet,I know, words can only describe just a little piece of reality of what it used to be like, of how I felt.

Oh,and by the way, I miss you,too.

Wonder why do we race,when everyday we're running in circles [..]
Tried to open up my eyes,I'm hoping for a chance to make it alright.
When I wake up, the dream isn't done. I wanna see your face and know I made it home.
If nothing is true,what more can I do? 
I am still painting flowers for you..

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Sunday, September 4, 2011


She stared out of the window, looking at the far away mountains, but not actually seeing them. In her mind, things were spinning, colliding, attracting and reppelling each other. Choices. Actions. Promises. Actions again. Things said and done. Feelings burried deep down the core of her soul. Feelings swimming at the top of her heart. She tried to shove them away. Yet, she didn't know if that was a right thing to do. She was always looking back. Something was holding her back.
She wasn't ready to let go. She didn't know if she was supposed to. She feared the future, always so scary and mysterious.. And him.. Always not sure of himself. Never having a clear image of his whereabouts, of what he really wanted and not what he should do. He was always messing with her head.
She was unsure how to proceed. Stay on the same path and see where it goes? Get of it and find something new? Turn back all the way around and continue from where she was before? Run away at the same instant?
Choices are always hard. But they are those who define us. Who show who we really are.
She..was worried. About what she was leaving behind, what she was blocking out of her life. She had always been a true-love-believer, but she was uncertain if she was ever going to find true love in her life. "Le coup de foudre" is something found only in movies and fairytales..right? She really hoped one day she would find that special someone, her other half(if such thing exists). However, what if true love is only something built through time and experience between a couple?
Her worst fear was being heart broken again. Than unbearable pain was something she couldn't live through again. She was afraid of loving again.
Actions.. Actions that never reflect words and statements. Should she believe in them? should she stick to what she hears and not think about the actions?
She remembered the time when next to her relfection on the window,was his. His arms wrapped around her tightly, kissing her neck, stroking her hair. Back when everything seemed to be so easy, like breathing.
She know a part of him was..dangerous. Trust him again? Was the big questionmark.

"But in the end, good,evil, right or wrong, what we choose is never what we really need. For that is the ultimate cosmic joke."

A Year Ago.

One year later, in front of the same laptop, typing on the same keyboard,posting on the same blog. One year later, and everything seems so far away! One year ago, she was here, burying herself in my arms, watering them with the tears of a broken heart. One year ago, everything seemed like a lie.

Today, everything still seems like a lie.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


Nice way to show your love and devotion.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

What you Want

I just can't ignore the fact that.. Evanescence have released a brand new single after 4 whole years!!! Enjoy it here
Album release date: 10/11/11

"There's still time
close your eyes
only love will guide you home
Tear down the walls and free your soul
Till we crash we're forever spiraling down, down, down, down"

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Instantly Soft Lips

Okay, I never thought I'd be doing this, but here I am, giving beauty advice on my blog :P
Seriously, this blog was NEVER created for this reason, but I felt like sharing this little secret with you ;)

Have you ever heard of Lip Scrubs? I read about it last week, they are supposed to keep for lips soft by removing any dead cells ans stuff -just like face scrub.

And I thought.. why not creat some at home? Cheap 'n' Easy!

First, take a small spoonful of honey and put it in a little bowl (honey can have amazing effects). Then, add a small spoonful of sugar and mix (sugar will be the ingredient for scrubing). 

  • If you think the amount of sugar you added is not enough -> add some more :p 
  • If you don't like the way honey looks so thick, add a few drops of water and mix. You don't wanna add more water cause the honey will melt -not a good think- and the sugar may be dissolved.
Take a bit on your finger, run it over your lips and scrub! You may wanna do this for a few minutes by adding some more mixture every now and then. This way, the honey will have enough time to work its magic.

Result: Super soft sweet lips ;)

p.s. in case you are wondering, the recipe is my own. I tried it on myself and saw amazing results. Hope you like it!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The cherry at the top of the cake

Here I am again,after all these days. Things still a little bit tangled inside my head.
Oh well.
Wrong and Right spinning in my mind once more.


Anyone heard of "Moving on by going back"? I guess this is my invention.
Good or Bad?
Only time will tell. However,not very positive results so far.

Let's see how this one goes. The cherry at the top of the cake.

"Stop and stare, I think I'm moving,but I go nowhere.." -OneRepublic

Saturday, July 9, 2011


I want to write something,but I won't,cause no words can express it and I know no one will ever understand -maybe not even you,if i could talk to you and say the things i want to.
this sucks.

I miss you.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

If no one will listen..

This is a great song by Kelly Clarkson I dedicate to friendship. I hope you know I'm here to support you.

Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tears
And so you fight to keep from pouring out
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul
Do you think that there's enough that you would drown?

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still

No one can tell you where you alone must go
There's no telling what you will find there
And, God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones
Screaming every step, "Just stay here"

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still

If you find your fists are raw and red from beating yourself down
If your legs have given out under the weight
If you find you've been settling for a world of gray
So you wouldn't have to face down your own hate

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still
I will be here still

Friday, June 24, 2011

Who to look up to?!

It looks like no matter how much faith you have in some people, how much you trust them and look up to them, one day they will just..disappoint you. One person after another, I just not know who I should look up to anymore. Nothing really is what it seems. Sometimes masks come up and when they finally just wish you could go back to not knowing nothing at all.
Maybe it's just me.. Maybe I expect too much from people. Maybe I really want to see that perfect picture of someone, and when I fail, I just can't take it. That moment the truth strikes me, I just wish I could go back. My whole theory for the world crushes down. The image of that person fades away. Becomes one with the other endless shadows in my mind.
I don't argue that under some circumstances, humans can not control their minds anymore. They become one with their wild nature, like animals. They embrace their true identity. Maybe there are some human instincts that you can not surpass or discard at some points in your life. Maybe you are not in control of them.
I wish I knew under different circumstances. Maybe this way I'd feel more..trustworthy? Maybe I'd be less surprised. Or it could be more. Or maybe my reaction would hurt that person even more. I think you believe I will not trust you after that. But I can assure you I will. Maybe you think that I'll conclude that you are not good enough. That what I've been building about you inside my mind for all this time, will just collapse. Maybe you weren't that far from truth. It really wasn's something I expected. But I know, it was a moment of weakness.
I know there's only 10% chance you'll read this. But if you do, please, talk to me.
I just trusted me enough to tell me. You know I'll always be there for you. I won't judge you. I'll try not to. I'll clean after your mess. I'll take your hand and lead you again, as I promised.
Only if you trusted me..

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Behind the Great Wall of Feelings.

There comes a time in your life that you go through unbearable pain. It's not a rule, but it's a common observation. When this time comes, your whole world spins around and twirls, you go through many phases of sadness and pain, you sometimes cry yourself to sleep..
But, finally, you wake up one day to realise that this whole suffering is just another moment in your past, a devilish nightmare, born only to make you feel stronger. From this day on, a brand new YOU is born. A tougher one, maybe less naive, more cagey.. During the next chapter of your life, mistakes of your past come into your attension. Brick by boring brick, you start to build a wall around you, keeping your heart out of the reach of people. You lock yourself behind this wall, controlling your feelings in a way no one can hurt them. You refuse to let the world sink into your soul, afraid that you might get hurt again. You just observe the world around you, sometimes disappointed by the hypocrisy of humans, not cabable of really caring about others.Burried behind your own fear, you refuse to let your feeling dance inside your heart.

I'm afraid to fall in love again.
..and you said don't!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

"Though last,not least in love"

I couldn't think of anything else, but him. His image was filling every corner of my mind. His eyes, dark light midnight, staring intensively at my face. Communicating with me, without actually talking. There was something strange about his eyes. It was like they were deep, like the way the ocean seems dark and deep at night. Calm and peaceful, but yet intense and stormy.
His stare was like he could actually see right through me. He could see past the doors of my soul, right to the core of my heart, able to discover all my feelings. He knew me so well, he could just read my thoughts. 
Then, there was his smile, unlike any other I have ever seen. Honest and brilliant, filled with warmth, always touching the corners of his eyes. 
His hair, a deeper tone of copper, always shiny, like he had just got out of the bathroom. Still, he didn’t even try to make them look that splendid.
His whole existence made him special. The way he moved was so graceful, like he wanted to interact with others, but still remain behind his own personal wall he had built around him. I was lucky to get some glimpses behind that wall when he rarely opened his heart to me. His touch, always made me shiver and feel like I just can’t get enough.
But here I was, still waiting.

*this post was written months ago but was never published. 
** I know, the post has nothing to do with the title. It was just what came to my mind first. Cheers mates

Saturday, May 28, 2011


It’s been some months know that I found out about a make-up artist, Kandee Johnson. She has become famous and her videos are all over the youtube. She seems to be a nice person, always so positive and happy and loving. Being a single mother with 4 kids, she manages to get by. However, I have heard some terrible things about her, and this has become the reason for writing this post, not just about her case, but generally.

The world would be a much better place, if everyone minded their own busyness and didn't try to destroy some of the few hints of LIGHT, that show us how wonderful life can be, in this world of DARKNESS and SELFISHNESS and ENVY.
why do they have to delete the HOPE and LOVE which some people have to offer, by accusing and making up stories for them?

Nowadays, we can rarely read about a famous person who has no haters. Seriously guys! These people, no matter how famous, they are HUMAN, they make mistakes. That’s what defines humanity. We all make mistakes and will continue to do so.  However, that does not mean we should judge them. Nor make up stories about them to make them look like they are evil. The press knows that scandals attract people’s attention, that’s why they encourage such things.

But let’s just not think only about the case of someone famous. People around us.. are just not real! How often has someone said “HI” to you and smiled his fake smile? Or said a good word about you but behind your back they criticize and say awful things about you? Maybe it’s time to wonder who of our friends are REAL and don’t go around saying bad things about you behind your back.

Now I come to talk about facebook. I won’t mention my thoughts of it controlling the whole world. (yes, I deleted my account but 8 months later created a new account but that’s a huge story). Think about how you are lured to spy on someone you like/hate/are jealous of. How you talk to your friends about them. “OMG did you see that they are in a relationship? She’s so freaking ugly!” or “did you see what he wrote?” or “what an awful picture! And she thinks she’s pretty”. I mean, come on, everyone knows these things happen. We, humans, really enjoy gossiping about others. Spy on them. Laugh at them. Bully them. This is because of the darkness inside our souls and the fact that criticizing others make us feel that we are better than them. 

We often forget what humans are supposed to do. We are supposed to be good and loving. Jesus himself had haters but he still loved everyone, sacrificing himself for us. Why can’t we see the good in people and always judge them and bully them for their features?
We should think more often of the way we can fight the darkness around us. I feel pity for these people’s shallow hearts.

“It may be easier to hate, but it is stronger to love”

Monday, May 23, 2011


Now the time has come to say goodbye. Again.
I don't blame you for leaving. I just wish..things turned out differently.

I still care about you, you know. Just..not the way I used to. And yes, I do love you. Though, in a different way. Still, that does not mean you stopped being special to me. "Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure".

I wish you could deal with it differently. I wish you could still talk to me in the same way, be there for me like I did when you needed me. God, I wish you weren't so stubborn! You do have a choice. You always did. You just made the wrong ones. You still have a chance to do it right. Please, don't leave..
You shut me out of your life once. I screamed, I cried, but no one would answer me. Broken up, I fought it, and here I am today, stronger than ever.
Please don't go..
I don't know what there will be left for you to find when, and if, you come back.

Just.. don't disappear from my life. Okay?

And yah, I miss you.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Χωρίς τίτλο

Τον τελευταίο μήνα με έχουν πει:
  • κυνική
  • εγωίστρια
  • ισχυρογνώμων
  • βαρετή
  • πρήχτισσα
..και συνεχίζουν

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


"We can cast away priceless time in dreams, born of imagination, fed upon illusion, and put to death by reality." -J. Garland.

Dreaming, hoping, wishing, imagining, creating a perfect world/a perfect date/a perfect situation/a perfect-whatever in our minds.
Just by dreaming about it,doesn't make it true.
And we dream and dream.. Of faraway places, far from harm and hate and pain. An island in the coast of Nowhere. A place where there is only true love and happiness. No hunger or illnesses. A place where you can still wish upon a shooting star. A place where fairies exist.
We dream of the day when we will finally meet our other half (if such thing exists), our prince charming on his white horse, knocking on our door, ready to take us to his magic palace. There, we will live happily ever after.
We dream of becoming succesful and famous (well,some people do). People recognising our talents, our efforts.
Then,the present comes to snap us back to reality.

The truth is, we can't really control what we are dreaming of. Still, we can control what we daydream of. Our daydreams are product of our idle brain, fed by our own wild fantasies and expectations. Wishes seeing the light of day in our pure imagination.
Yes, we spend a lot of time daydreaming about what we want. What would be spectacular for us. Irresistible thoughts, dazzling our mind.

But again, just by daydreaming about it, doesn't make it true.

Open your eyes and see what's really going on around you.

Keep your feet on the ground, when your head's on the clouds. 
-Brick by boring brick

Monday, April 25, 2011

Into the West

-Annie Lennox

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You've come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home

And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass

Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say: «We have come now to the end»
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again

And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Past, Present, Future.

Funny thing how life goes by.
The present and the past, mixed together, lika a tornado. The past always affects the actions of the present.
The futures just sits back and laughs at the stupidity and tragic irony of the present.
Who knew..

Stuck in the past, crawling into the present, running breathlessly to catch up with the future.
Enjoying some moments at their most, but still, letting others go just like that.
So many chances left unexploited. So many words unspoken.
Emotions well hidden (?) behind eyes.

What if you exploited those chances? What if you said those words aloud?
What if you expressed those feelings back then, when you had the chance?
Would things be different?
I guess they would.
Now what?!

Some years ago, I bet Klotho, Lakhesis and Atropos [the goddesses of fate (khem khem)], were laughing soooo hard. Tears of laughter must have been rolling down their cheeks (?) If they knew the next chapter of my life.

Ah, the future, the future, the future.. So close, and yet so far. Always lingering a few inches beyond our reach. So mysterious.. Sometimes we fear the unknown path in front of our feet. On the other hand, sometimes we want to run towards it so badly, to let go of the past, to start over new. However, sometimes we are just not willing to let go of the past. We are so obsessed, we are glued to our memories, not willing to let anything slip away. But memories are just..memories. Nothing will change them. They won't lead us anywhere. They will obsess you more, until you wont be able to move on, and someone will snap you back to reality.

Really, how difficult to let go..
A brand new door has opened for you, another chance to get it right, to try again.. Still, you are not sure if you want to take advantage of it. "HOPE DIES LAST". That's what destroyed us! As long as there is still hope, we won't leave the past to the past. We won't open our eyes to see what's really happening. We will stay in our dreamworld of hope, of expectations, a world where we can still wish upon a shooting star which will make our wish come true.
(Που το πάω; Ούτε γω ξέρω.)
Hope will just hold us back, deleting the option of something new.

"Ever tried, ever failed, it doesn't matter. Try again. Fail again."

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us".

And I'm still hoping.. (?)

Monday, April 18, 2011

Κι αν πτωχική την βρεις, η Ιθάκη δε σε γέλασε..

Και αναρωτιέμαι: γιατί τα πράγματα να μην έρχονται ΠΟΤΕ όπως τα φαντάζομαι;
Και μετά απαντώ στον εαυτό μου: αν έρχονταν όλα βολικά, δεν θα είχες τον πόθο και τον ζήλο να παλέψεις γι αυτά. Η ζωή σου θα καταντούσε ανιαρή, καθώς τα πάντα θα ήταν όπως τα θέλεις και θα ζούσες απλά για να τα ζεις.

Και πάλι, όμως, αναρωτιέμαι.
Αφού γνωρίζω πως στο τέλος δεν θα περάσει το δικό μου. Πρώτη προσπάθεια, δεύτερη προσπάθεια.. Τρίτη και φαρμακερή. Κι αν τελικά στραβοπατήσω και μπουρδουκλωθώ στις ίδιες μου τις αποφάσεις;
Το μάθημα θα σου γίνει μάθημα, λένε οι παλιοί.
Κι αν δεν μάθω το μάθημά μου; Κι αν τελικά μετανιώσω που πίεσα την κατάσταση;
Καλυτερα να μετανιώσεις για κάτι που έκανες, παρά για κάτι που δεν έκανες, συνηθίζω να σκέφτομαι.
Κι αν..
Αν τελικά δεν αξίζει τον κόπο;
Εσύ θα γνωρίζεις αν αξίζει.
Έλα όμως που δεν είναι πάντα ο κόσμος ρόδινος και ωραίος!
Όταν θέλεις κάτι πάρα πολύ, το σύμπαν κάνει τα πάντα για να το αποκτήσεις.Yeah, tell me about it!

Όλοι μιλάνε και μιλάνε, συμβουλεύουνε και συμβουλεύουνε. ΤΙ;! Δηλαδή ξέρουν καλύτερα; "Όταν φτάσεις στην ηλικία μας, θα ξέρεις". Εσείς δηλαδή ξέρετε; "Με τα χρόνια ωριμάζεις." Μπορώ εύκολα να σας μιλήσω για άτομα πιο ώριμα από εσάς. "Με την εμπειρία θα μάθεις." Τώρα προσπαθήτε να μας πείσετε ότι είστε έμπειροι; Όλοι μιλάνε και μιλάνε, συμβουλεύουνε και συμβουλεύουνε..
Προσπαθώντας να αποδείξουν πως κατέχουν όλες τις απαντήσεις, επειδή η πείρα τους τις δίδαξε.

Τελικά όμως..
Αξίζει τον κόπο;
Να περιμένω; Να ξαναπροσπαθήσω;
Κι αν χάνω τον χρόνο μου;
"Κι αν πτωχική την βρεις, η Ιθάκη δε σε γέλασε.."

Friday, April 15, 2011

If Only...

In your stormy ocean of lonenlyness, I'll be your life vest, saving you from drowning.
In your long lost heaven, I'll be your guardian angel, leading you to the right way.
In your agonising devilish nightmare, I'll be the silver lining, helping you endure.
In your labyrinth of possibilities, I'll be the arrow, showing the consequences.
In your whole collection of books, I'll be the One, your all-time-favourite.
In your stupid and meaningless life, I'll be the adventure you always seek for.
In the long way the future holds for you, I'll be the warm hand, helping you stand.
On the edge of the steep cliff of despair you are about to fall,I'll be the rope pulling you back.
In your days of pain, I'll be the painkiller, taking away your pain.
In your bottomless sea of disappointment, I'll be the handkerchief, wiping away your tears.
In your empty room, but still full of screams, I'll be the one fighting away your fears.
During your bewildering and confusing days, I'll be the irresistible answer to your questions.
In the bright and happy moments of your life, I'll be the tear of joy falling down your cheek.

"Say when, and my own two hands will comfort you tonight, tonight.
Say when,and my own two arms will carry you tonight, tonight.."
-The Fray
If only you let me...

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


I stared out of the window. The rain was washing down the road, the trees, everything.. If only it could also wash away the pain in my heart.. I looked at my reflection on the window. I could see my pale face mirrored like a ghostly-white colour. The purplish circles under my eyes had been growing larger the past few days, making me look like an un-fed vampire. I could distiguish the sorrow from the rest of the feelings mirrored in my eyes. Pain, and loss and sadness, altogether mixed  into a black, bottomless bowl of unpleasant emotions. The drops of the rain on the window matched the tears rolling down from my eyes. My heart was aching. Heart-break was actually a physical pain. It really excisted. I could feel the pain whirling on the inside, breaking me apart. The black cascade of my hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail. I didn't care how I looked. He wouldn't be around to see me anymore.
He was leaving. Again.
It felt like he was taking a piece of my heart with him. A piece I wouldn't want to take back. That one piece I'd want him to have forever. I knew it had to end this way from the start. The only happy ending I've known, is the one in fairytales. I just wished he wouldn't have to go. But it was his choice, his future unfolding in front of him. He had to walk his path.
Maybe one day I'd be ready to face the truth; my path was different. Our worlds were the same, and yet different in a strange way. Fused together like one, but still not colliding. No matter what I tried to glue them together, they just repelled each other, like same charges.

"So wide the world, can love remeber how to get me home to you,someday? We'll be together again, or just a dream in the end? [..] I've found a world where love and dreams and darkness all collide. Maybe this time, we can leave our broken world behind."
-together again ~ Evanescence

[P.S. all facts are fictional]

Monday, April 4, 2011


"Γιατί φοβάσαι να πληγωθείς, όταν ξέρεις πως η δηλία πονάει περισσότερο;"

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Have you ever been in love?

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” 
- Neil Gaiman

This wise man was able to describe exactly how it feels in just a few sentences. However, he forgot to mention how it feels at first. Here’s how it goes..

Once upon a time, you are the star of your horribly boring life. You feel like you just go in circles, your life has become so monotonous, that it’s just a routine. Then the day finally comes. The day you meet that special someone who changes your life completely.  Suddenly, you have a reason to live your ex-monotonous life. All those defenses you had built before, all those walls around your heart allowing no one to enter again, are just destroyed. Simple as that. All those times you swore you’d never fall for someone, are just erased. That someone becomes the centre of your existence, like gravity is not the force holding you on earth anymore. And you’d do anything for that someone. You do stupid and useless things, just in order to spend some more time with him. Even just minutes or seconds, it doesn’t really matter. As long as you get to be with him. You are like a satellite in an orbit around him. He is the brightest star on your own personal night sky. He is the brilliant sun on your no-more-rainy days. He is the diamond in your coal-dusty life. The silver lining of your whole being. Funny thing how just a smile from him makes your day seem golden. His touch, always so comforting, takes away any pain. It feels more like you were in constant pain, but you hadn’t realized it, until his touch took it away. His embrace so warm and protective, you just bury yourself in it and never want to get out. Even if you want so bad to stay there for long, you break it fast, so that he wouldn’t feel awkward. Your head’s on the clouds, you can’t help but daydream of the perfect day when he will be yours. How foolish. He seems so nice, you believe that you finally found that special someone who will always brighten your days and will always care for you and be by your side. He seems to act like that. Again, how foolish.

You let your heart wide open, so that he would notice and enter it and stay there, maybe forever. You sacrificed so many things in order to get to be with him. You let your friends down because of him, because he became you number one priority, because nothing else mattered, but him. You made the mistake to become vulnerable once again. Then, the phrase “just friends” comes to finally knock you out. Again. You knocked on his door, but he wouldn’t answer. “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door”. You built so many doors. He opened some of them. He made you feel special and wanted. But he didn’t open that special door to his own heart. He left you outside in the cold, wondering where you went wrong, where you stumbled along the way.  The same mistakes all over again. Girl falls for guy. Guy dumps girl. And vice versa. The word dump would look right if there was actually a relationship. Which didn’t actually exist. Then what? Anyone heard of “So miserable, she couldn’t cry” Well, I guess it’s true. Because sometimes tears can’t define the overwhelming pain you feel.  How could they show all that pain and agony, how could they send the message that your heart is stolen? You gave it to someone else. You just have to find a way to get it back. And here is the difficult part. Destroyed, torn apart, your heart ripped out of your chest. How are you supposed to get over this? Time heals, they say. Well, does it? For what I know, it doesn’t. You just have to find the will and the strength to get back on your feet and live again. Only this time, you’ll be living for you and only you. Not some stupid random guy who played with your feelings.
Could you get up, though?
Could you leave the past to the past?
Could you find a way to make it alone?
Could you leave that closed door behind, and open a new one?
Only you can find the answer. 

Here's a wonderful song about love, by Celine Dion