Sunday, September 4, 2011


She stared out of the window, looking at the far away mountains, but not actually seeing them. In her mind, things were spinning, colliding, attracting and reppelling each other. Choices. Actions. Promises. Actions again. Things said and done. Feelings burried deep down the core of her soul. Feelings swimming at the top of her heart. She tried to shove them away. Yet, she didn't know if that was a right thing to do. She was always looking back. Something was holding her back.
She wasn't ready to let go. She didn't know if she was supposed to. She feared the future, always so scary and mysterious.. And him.. Always not sure of himself. Never having a clear image of his whereabouts, of what he really wanted and not what he should do. He was always messing with her head.
She was unsure how to proceed. Stay on the same path and see where it goes? Get of it and find something new? Turn back all the way around and continue from where she was before? Run away at the same instant?
Choices are always hard. But they are those who define us. Who show who we really are.
She..was worried. About what she was leaving behind, what she was blocking out of her life. She had always been a true-love-believer, but she was uncertain if she was ever going to find true love in her life. "Le coup de foudre" is something found only in movies and fairytales..right? She really hoped one day she would find that special someone, her other half(if such thing exists). However, what if true love is only something built through time and experience between a couple?
Her worst fear was being heart broken again. Than unbearable pain was something she couldn't live through again. She was afraid of loving again.
Actions.. Actions that never reflect words and statements. Should she believe in them? should she stick to what she hears and not think about the actions?
She remembered the time when next to her relfection on the window,was his. His arms wrapped around her tightly, kissing her neck, stroking her hair. Back when everything seemed to be so easy, like breathing.
She know a part of him was..dangerous. Trust him again? Was the big questionmark.

"But in the end, good,evil, right or wrong, what we choose is never what we really need. For that is the ultimate cosmic joke."

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