Friday, June 24, 2011

Who to look up to?!

It looks like no matter how much faith you have in some people, how much you trust them and look up to them, one day they will just..disappoint you. One person after another, I just not know who I should look up to anymore. Nothing really is what it seems. Sometimes masks come up and when they finally just wish you could go back to not knowing nothing at all.
Maybe it's just me.. Maybe I expect too much from people. Maybe I really want to see that perfect picture of someone, and when I fail, I just can't take it. That moment the truth strikes me, I just wish I could go back. My whole theory for the world crushes down. The image of that person fades away. Becomes one with the other endless shadows in my mind.
I don't argue that under some circumstances, humans can not control their minds anymore. They become one with their wild nature, like animals. They embrace their true identity. Maybe there are some human instincts that you can not surpass or discard at some points in your life. Maybe you are not in control of them.
I wish I knew under different circumstances. Maybe this way I'd feel more..trustworthy? Maybe I'd be less surprised. Or it could be more. Or maybe my reaction would hurt that person even more. I think you believe I will not trust you after that. But I can assure you I will. Maybe you think that I'll conclude that you are not good enough. That what I've been building about you inside my mind for all this time, will just collapse. Maybe you weren't that far from truth. It really wasn's something I expected. But I know, it was a moment of weakness.
I know there's only 10% chance you'll read this. But if you do, please, talk to me.
I just trusted me enough to tell me. You know I'll always be there for you. I won't judge you. I'll try not to. I'll clean after your mess. I'll take your hand and lead you again, as I promised.
Only if you trusted me..

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