Friday, November 15, 2013

State of peace

All I need, is find my inner peace. Is this THAT hard? I just want to feel free. At peace with myself. Happy with the world around me. But no. It's like nothing can ever satisfy this. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I want. I don't know who I wanna be. I just wanna be.. me. Whatever that is. Whether this is what I am know, what I was before or what I am not yet. I just want peace..

This is never enough. This life.. is not enough. And yet maybe "It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything." It's not that I dont try. In this bullshit life, i really try and do things I enjoy. I go to new places, I practice archery, I make new friends. I live new experiences everyday. And yet this is never enough. Because of the world around, slowly rotting. Whatever relationship once seemed to be solid, is now melting down. And I don't know what is real and what is not, what is worth the effort and what is not. And I don't know... Some people deserve the best. And yet I may not be able to offer this because of all this disappointment and bullshit."If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't." Life is tragic. Everything is tragic.

No matter what you do to make you feel complete, something will be missing. All these things that I once felt happy with, now leave me empty. Because the people I share them with are no longer true. True to themselves, true in general. They are changed. I myself am changed. And "the things you used to own now they own you"..

Escaping this loop seems impossible. The emptiness is always there. I need something true. Something to believe in. I stopped believing in everything I once valued. Love, trust. Sometimes friendship. And why should I go on believing in them when everything shows the opposite. I am almost 19 years old and I can find all the crap of society possible. And this is disappointing.

Cheers to the sitty world we created. Cheers to the values that were once real. Cheers to the love that was once true.

No comments:

Post a Comment