He lingered in the doorway, watching her walking away in her graceful pace. It had been a while since they last talked about how things were between them. Still, after all these months of hanging out and getting to know each other, he wasn't sure about the way he felt about her. His memories of the past few months were crystal clear, and he felt them pounding in his head, like they were trying to make their way out of his skull. The overwhelming emotions brought humidity to his eyes. But he wouldn't cry, no. He would find a way to distinguish his feelings from one another,eventually. The past events were so bewildering. Some of his actions were confusing, even to himself. It was like, his brain was telling him to do something entirely different from his heart.
He really didn't know how he felt about her. Her floral perfume was still hanging in the air, at the spot where they were chatting seconds ago. She was just.. amazing. They had so many things in common,but still, when he tried to think about them,he couldn't come up with something. Which was weird. And confusing. He loved the way she was laughing when they were talking about random, stupid things. She was pleasant,in her own unique way. She was always trying to look at the silver lining, even if things were pretty messed up. Even though he didn't want to admit it, she was affecting him. Affecting his way of thinking. But she was affected by him, too. When he felt like talking, she was always there for him, trying to help, even though she sometimes couldn't. He even told her about things troubling him which he told to noone else.Not even his best friend. She was always trying to find the right words to say, words that would sooth his pain. And when she couldn't, she told him things which were pure truth. He liked her honesty. So he was honest to her, too. He didn't want to create illusions in her mind, even though he did these past months.
Ah. Her smile. Curved in his memory forever. He was feeling so peaceful when he looked at her smile. It was like everything was in peace when she was happy. He liked knowing that. What's more, they were having so much fun together. Endless minutes of laughter. When they were chatting, they wouldn't shut up, driving crazy all the others in the conversation.
Everyone thought that something special was going on between them. It was a long time ago, since their first time together, that people started asking personal questions. But really,did what other people think about them matter? He didn't think so. What was really important was what they thought was going on.
And this question was something that even himself couldn't answer. He knew about her feelings. He knew they were deep. But somehow, she seemed okay with their friendship. At least, that's what she was saying. They big questionmark, is what he was feeling. He liked the thought of her being happy. He wanted to be always there for her. He even sometimes felt like protecting her, even though no harm was actually around. He never wanted her smile to be erased from her face.
But still.. Was a relationship what he really wanted? Whas there the needed spark? He didn't think so. Could it work out? He didn't know. What if they ended up arguing? He didn't want a break up to take away their wonderful friendship. He didn't want to lose her.
Though, he had to admit to himseld, he was a bit of a coward. He wouldn't risk it, even though she was dying for his love. Was he afraid to fall in love? Maybe. The thought of the possible pain of a heart break made him flinch away from the thought. Did love deserve a chance? He didn't know. Could he love her? No answer. He could try, though. But he didn't want a relationship in which their feelings weren't the same. He would hurt her. He hated hurting her. She was so petite and fragile.. Hurting her would be cruel. He would stick to his decision. The safe way of friendship. Still, he had to understand his tangled feelings. Maybe one day he would.
But maybe when the day would finally come, she wouldn't be around.